Monday, October 13, 2008

True Repentance: My Personal Testimony


2And saying, Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. Matthew 3:2 (King James Version)

I pray that you all are well in the will of the Lord on this beautiful day He has created. Some have wondered how have I been or have I fallen away from the faith. No. I am fine…just busy supporting my family, dealing (dealt) with mental struggles in my walk with Christ and realizing that I have been bucking the authority of my shepherd and getting it right…that’s all!

To pick up on my journal, I cannot move on with any other topic until I fulfill the Lord’s will and repent before God for disobeying Him, against His Word and against the man of God that He has placed over me. This has been going on in the body of Christ for many years (including the biblical times) and only the true believers in Christ will make it right and stop the spiritual bleeding of disobeying God by bucking the authority of our shepherds. Now I am not talking about those from some of the the small & mega churches who are misleading their people and full of getting money & fame. I am talking about true pastors who cry at night because their people (flock) are digging themselves an early grave by not listening to the man of God, of whom God speaks through. This is going to be good, because true repentance is needed.
(I had to clarifying the original journal concerning the mega churches and I am not stating that all mega churches mislead their people nor do I blame all mega churches and pastors of only wanting money and fame. Some small churches are included in this as well. Everyone should be comfortable now.)

I apologize to my shepherded and bishop, Dr. Billy Johns for all the eights years of this ministry I have not truly trusted his guidance nor his authority. There have been certain things in my walk with Christ that I have not agreed with, but truly having the life of the disciples revealed to me from God’s Word, open my eyes to where I was going in my walk with Christ. When the disciples doubted God, they suffered nervous breakdowns, became unsure of their own thoughts and purpose, rode on their own beliefs (which led nowhere) and lied when approached with challenges that tested their faith in Jesus. This has been my life for eight years…I would not agree with certain things that were said and I began to challenge God’s decision concerning my pastor, my bishop. Was I saying these things? No. But my actions stated differently. One of the many things God has shown me in this is when you do not heed the warnings of your shepherd and you go against the grain, it can cause some severe even deadly consequences…you’re not respecting God’s authority. This can’t be the case all the time can it? Well if someone lies every now and then aren’t they still a liar? If someone steals and kills every now and then aren’t they still a thief and murderer? Let’s move on.


I apologize to my wife, Mary McGarity, for all the troubled times I have given her during these seven and a half years of marriage. Have I beaten her, called her out of her name, committed adultery, etc.? No. But not being the true and consistent godly husband that God has called me to be...I have not. I have not been completely supportive of her talents and gifts and baby I am sorry. I love you with all of my heart and you are the apple of my eye, the peaches in my pie, the cookies in my crème and always the girl of my dreams. I thank God for you and thank you for putting up with me.

Am I downtrodden and depressed from all that I have gone through in this situation? No. I have not been haunted or tormented, neither by my passed nor from demons like some folks have suggested to me. I am free and I truly understand that things will never be the way we want it if it does not line up with God…we must truly seek what His will is for our lives. Speaking of that, I apologize to my elders in the body of Christ as well for not quickly adhering to your wise counsel and acting fast on this matter when God used you to warn me. I apologize and do know that this WILL NOT happen again, I love you all. Oh boy, do you know that when you say stuff like that Satan is going to test you? I say yes, I know that and I also say that I am a child of God…Satan can make things tough (with God’s permission) and man can only hurt my flesh…but God hurts all those plus the spirit & soul. This is true repentance.


28And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Romans 1:28 (King James Version)

God placed it on my hearts to do this long time ago, but I refused by not doing it. I apologized personally to my shepherd, wife, elders and brothers & sisters in Christ. Taking to the public through email? What for God? For me…true deliverance from rebellion and to encourage some folk to do the same and be free. You see saints of God when I did not complete my required tasks from God; it delayed the blessings from my family, church family and those who I am supposed to impact as well. I could no longer grow in my marriage with my wife. I could no longer bring the Gospel of Christ through Bible studies, my journal through the site God has me building, etc., because of the packed that I made with God before excepting my calling. I will never forget that I requested to God to not allow me to preach, teach or get in front of people if I am not truly obeying His Word to the fullest…AND place unbearable guilt on my heart that will prevent me from doing so. Now understand that I am not talking about sitting down because you fall and repent. I have hurt many people since being saved and I apologize for my faults. I am talking about constantly and consistently living in the sin of rebellion and refusing to get out of it. Saints when you are the only one that see that you are right and everyone else is wrong, it’s time to sit your butt down. Hey I’m straight forward, yes, sit your butt down. This is true repentance for me.


I apologize to for those of you I have let down and disappointed. I will not call names because folk look to see if they got left out. My pastor’s name is the one that matters right now after God and my wife (kids too). Folks, the time is at hand where we either put up or shut up…our faith is being tested now that it ever has before. True repentance is needed in order for God to truly free us from this mess of the world.


I do not want to get into other topics that will ruin God’s work in this journal. I pray that my testimony of repentance is a blessing to all who reads it, and that they will be free of deception from themselves, Satan and others who influence them more than God does. Especially in the time we’re living in now…we do not have time to be stuck on ourselves and the minor problems that we go grow. Repent, for the kingdom of God is at hand. Jesus shall return soon…the Sequel is near! Be blessed on this day and know that Jesus loves you and I love you all too. Until the Sequel of Jesus.